Bad Bitches Have Dysphoric Days Too!

Heyyy My Royal Priesthood!!!

I hope this entry finds you well and you had fun a fun Memorial Day weekend. I've been trying to write this post since Memorial Day, but work has exhausted me! Not only did work exhaust me, but I had one of those plummets of despair!!! However, attending the DC Black Pride opening reception lifted my spirits. While I've had moments of euphoria, last week a bad bitch had a dysphoric saga!

It all started Last Wednesday morning. I was already teetering on the edge of a dysphoric breakdown after running out of powder foundation. Powder foundation is necessary to me because it masks my moustache's former residence. I was doing laser hair treatments previously, but then I could no longer afford them. I then just resumed shaving. While dealing with makeup madness, Monday brought constant misgendering. It was the worst! Thankfully I had a creamy matte foundation that I could work magic with. It did provide some long lasting coverage.

My top lip is a point of dyshporia for me because it is still apart of the butch queen phase. Don't get me wrong! I embrace that phase, but I don't want to that mustache line to be visable! However over the years, I've done a damn good job of hiding that motherfucker!

On top of the top lip debaucle, I had an "oh my God I am ugly" moment. I make it a point to have my earrings ready to go in the morning. I lay my clothes and jewelry out the night before. Well apparently that didn't work. Here comes the drama....

Well, I thought I was wearing both earrings. I hailed my uber to the train station feeling all euphoric. I was affirming myself in my head and listening to some feel good music. It lasted until I stepped foot onto the train platform.

I noticed an older gentleman and lady staring at me. I chocked it up to them not seeing a transwoman with a low cut before or just I appeared off because I was rummaging through my purse for chapstick. I was hoping that nothing was off about my clothes, so I did a quick secret check. Then I did the mirror test...I wearing only one damn earring!!! I internally screamed " what the fuck!!! I'm ugly now! Now I'm going to get misgendered even more!" Priestess was panicking! In MY mind, I wasn't giving Full Coverage Corporate Cvnt!!!

To prevent a Bad Bitch Meltdown, I started re-affirming myself. I told myself, " look here, Girlie Pop! You are the motherfucking Priestess. Who are you dressed up for? Are you dressed up for these people or are you dressed for you. You are a woman regardless how you got here, Bitch? You are not ugly. Fuck them earrings! They are just jewelry! They don't make you a woman!"

I mentally squared up with dysphoria and negative self image and won!!! It was a do or die situation! I refused to let gender dysphoria ruin my damn day! I continued through my work day and all went without a hitch. There was little to no misgendering. Of course people know they could properly gender me but they're transphobic Orks!

Needless to say, I couldn’t wait to get home to decompress. Ya girl took a toke with the Professor and I took a nap. After I woke up, I relaxed and talked with Bae about my dysphoric, self esteem shattering moments. I felt so much better. Later on in the week I talked to my best friend and she encouraged me greatly. She reminded me that she will play in some make up and affirm herself in that manner. It helps her see the woman she knows she is. Her spirits are lifted and Bestie is ready to take on the world.

Community and Support were instrumental in helping me overcome my moment of dysphoria. Whenever you're having a moment of dysphoria or a bad self image day you must take the following steps:

1. Process those feelings: As best as you can, pinpoint the moment when you felt dysphoria or negative self image and what triggered it. Sit with those emotions, but also affirm yourself to prevent sinking further into despair. If you have a therapist it is vital that you process those feelings with them. They are licensed and qualified to aid you through the chaos.

2. Repeat affirmations to yourself: I like to use "You are bad. You are one of a kind. You are beautiful. You have a unique beauty like no other." I also remind myself that I don't have to fit into a standard. I create my own standard of presentation that displays my interpretation of my existence. Try this and let me know how it goes!

3. Reach out to community: Reach out in-person or online. In moments of dyshporia, I search Facebook groups to see how other transpeople handle dysphoria and negative self image. I make sure to avoid anything that lends to nonsense and shame or creates a false self image in the name of popularity. I also talk to my friends and my in-person community. Communing amongst kindred spirits will open up the door to share thoughts, feelings, and ways to overcome!

4. Implement selfcare: In moments of dyshporia or feeling ugly I go get my nails done and get my hair done. I may buy a new wig or buy some new clothes. Retail therapy and Beauty is selfcare. I also take hotbaths and practice yoga. Some of you reading, may go to the gym or try a new make up technique. Make sure that you are caring for you.

What are ways that you combat dysphoria and those "I feel ugly" moments? I'd love to hear from you. Until next post, Live, love, and be free!