Estrangement and the Holidays: Surviving the Holidays

The holiday season has arrived and Christmas is one week away. Christmas decorations have been placed in such decorative array. Winter weather has arrived creating the perfect scene for a Hallmark Movie. Families are making plans for yuletide gatherings and the gift prepping has begun.

While some families are the epitome of Hallmark Movie families, there those of us resemble the most Dysfunctional family you ever want to meet. As a result of the dysfunction we've chosen our peace by going no to low contact with our relatives. The estrangement is warranted due to lack of boundaries, abuse, family dynamics and more. Due to estrangement, the holidays can be a strain and a trying time.

I have been estranged from my paternal side of the family since 2022. Do I like it? Hell no. Is it necessary? Yes! Toxicity and I do not get along at all, therefore I refuse to allow my family to bring toxicity. Not only did I go no contact due to toxicity, but after all it is my deadbeat father's side of the family.

Although I spent most of my life celebrating the holidays with that paticular side of the family, I found it necessary to create new traditions for myself during the holidays. Those new traditions include spending time with my chosen family, performing music, or doing community service. Since 2019, I've spent time with friends, chosen family, and certain people from my paternal side.

Since my grandmother passed in 2020, the family has fallen into the abyss of dysfunctional comfort. My grandmother loved the Christmas holidays and December is her birthday month: this makes it harder for me during the holidays.

For those reading, you may be wondering why I'm sharing this and why am I writing this blog entry. I'm glad that you've asked. Estrangement has given me a new strength. It has shown me my own survival screens without my family. Stay with me and I'm going to tell you how to survive the impending holiday! If you've gone no contact with your family due to the toxicity and dysfunction that has affected you then this guide will help you.

Survival tip #1: Recognize You did nothing wrong:

You didn't ask to be brought into this world, nor did you ask for the family that you got. You are not to blame for how they treated you. They are the problem. Sometimes our toxic families will attempt to guilt trip us for going no contact. Protecting your peace and protecting any children you may have or partners is important

Survival tip #2: Stand on Your Boundaries:

Do not Back down from the boundaries that you've set with your loved ones. If they reach out to you during the holidays, you have the option to respond or block. If you choose to respond, do so in a polite, yet firm tone that enforces your boundaries. If you are no contact, then ignore the messages and block them. Unfortunately some family members do not respect boundaries and it is your duty to keep those boundaries in place.

Survival Tip #3 Lock down Your Social Media:

During the holiday season, toxic family members will attempt to reach out via social media or use social media as a tool to silently lurk. If you're good with social media and can catch them trolling, you should block them. Do not acknowledge them at all. They are looking for the attention. Now if you have removed them from social media and made your account private, estranged relatives may try other means to contact you to inquire as to why they can no longer view your social media.

Survival Tip #4: Create Your Own Traditions:

Just because you grew up with a specific tradition doesn't mean you have to keep that tradition. The holiday season is a time to celebrate however you want to. You are not required to hold on to your family's tradition. You can treat yourself to the movies. You can gather your chosen family and friends and go to a local bar or have your own Christmas dinner. Checking out neighbor decorations could be a great tradition. It is up to you.

Survival Tip #5 Embrace Your Chosen Family:

Your chosen family are the people you hold dear and accept you for who you are. This could include the non toxic relatives, your closest friends, and those in your friends circle. Your well-being is important so you want to be around people that are safe spaces and value your humanity.

Survival Tip #6 : Take Care of Your Health:

Do not neglect your mental or physical health. Take time to speak with your therapist. They will be a guide to help you navigate the holiday while estranged from family. Yes, those feelings of grief will arise. Take the time to grieve, but do not let it over take you. Treat yourself to a spa day or find your favorite holiday movie and spend time refreshing yourself. I would also advise journaling. Whenever find yourself ruminating, remind yourself why you cut those toxic family members off. Celebrate your new found freedom. You deserve it.

I hope these tips help you in your journey during this holiday season. Estrangement can bring a host of emotions, but you can manage them. You are stronger than you think. You've cut off toxic parts of your life, and that takes a lot of strength in itself. You are loved, you are worthy, and you are enough! Remember to live, love , and be free.

Happy Holidays.